Definition of friends.

Was actually reading the definition of friends from Wikipedia from the past one hour. I was so curious how fate brings two or more people together who hold mutual affection for each other. 

Had a real chat with a friend this morning while I was supposed to have a break from my Thursday classes. We had coffee at Starbucks and talked pretty much about friends, and also people around us. So, she was telling me that she felt distant with her very best friend because some issues. I am not going talk much about her story 'cause ya know, it's her story. But from what she told me, that reminded me of a lot of things that happened in my life. I have friends, but some of them just somehow, gone. There were issues, just some simple issues but somehow we do not know, we could not solve it either. Nobody knows why.

For the past one year, someone taught me relationship won't work if only one person is giving but not two. Same goes to friendship. If one was just kept giving, and the other doesn't even bother to give, but just taking, that just shows this friendship wouldn't last long. 

Through all these days, I've seen changes too. Me and my friends just didn't seem to get too close. And somehow some of them might just talked to me sarcastically or even criticizing. We used to hang out, talked about all sorts of nonsense, we helped each other and other lots more stuff we did. But ever since college reopened, everything has changed. The one that was the closest to me became different. I don't know why. I don't even know what have I done. I thought treating them well was the key to make things work but sadly, no. Everything is still the same. Sometimes, I do doubt that am I really happy when I'm spending time with them or not. 'cause whenever I thought of the times where they just talked happily and left me aside, it hurts my heart so much. There was once, one of them just threw me with foul words when I was just concerning about her. *sigh* 

After for like one month, I just could not stand all these, and that's why I chose to pour it out here, to release my sadness and also disappointment. I don't even know why would I think so negatively recently. I was so careful about what I said when I was with them, it just felt so wrong and unhappy.  

I tried, I did. When one of them were sick, I tried my best to do whatever I can. When one of them were alone, I stayed by her side. But what do I get at the end ? This is just so frustrating and I couldn't just tell someone like this. I just feel hurt, that they do not even treat me as a friend at all. 

I know I am stupid, sometimes things I said were really lame and retarded. But I swear I never doubted my loyalty towards my friends. But I just could not believe that this would happened to me, again. 

What have I done ? 

Why can't you guys just tell me honestly and sort this out ? 

*sigh*

People change, feelings change. It's simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart too. No matter how much you have done for them, they just somehow don't remember. But when you did a small mistake, they are just going to remember that forever.

" Friendships may end by fading quietly away or may end suddenly. How and whether to talk about the end of a friendship is a matter of etiquette that depends on the circumstances. "

I just can't lose them like this, because they were the one who went through the saddest part in my life with me. They were the one who hugged me when I need love, they were the one who was my barrier when I got bullied, they stood up for me. I cannot lose them.

After all the things happened in my life, I only know that : In the end, we will remember, not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.