Reasons why..

So yeah! I have started my uni life few days ago and I am actually taking Bachelor of Laws in Taylor’s Lakeside University. Well, I am having my orientation week now and basically what I did every day is just attending talks and workshops about Taylor’s Law School and society and stuff.

People around me has been asking me the reason why I’m doing law, almost everyone of them asked me this question including my personal tutor, my dean and even some of my friends. I found it quite hard for me to answer this question at first. That’s because I actually didn't really think about this question before everything started. I wanted to tell them that’s because I’m interested in law, but it sounds like a weak excuse and it is not persuasive at all. So, I have been thinking for days and finally, I sort of get to interpret what my mind thinks (sorry I’m actually weak in interpreting my own thoughts to words).

The reason why I am taking law is I had always wanted to learn to speak in an even more proper way, not just only talking crap. I wanted to bombard people with my points, influence people with my thoughts or ideas. I believe that taking law, I’ll be able to equip with knowledge and even giving others who require legal advice.  Most of all, I love talking, or presenting. I actually don’t mind memorizing because what I think about law is there is always a reason behind every existence of laws/rules, so if everything is explainable, if everything makes sense, why not putting them into my brain and make good use of them when situations occurred?

Also, part of the reason why I choose law is I am actually quite driven to the motive of money income. I believe I am a very realistic person, without money, you can hardly do anything. So yeah! Lawyer is a guaranteed job with bright future, so why not?

Basically, that’s my reason of taking law. People around me did ask me will I be regretting after making such decision. Well, I guess, I can’t answer you now, but I’ll make sure that my decision is worth to try. Wish me good luck in my degree life! J

Yes. There's no one to be blamed but myself because when you left, I did not do anything to make you stay. I'm sorry I did not give enough in our relationship. If I have the second chance, I swear I'll appreciate it and make the best of it. 

I still deeply, madly, intensely in love with you, Terence Lim. 

Future of our nation.

Today, my dearest and problematic lecturer had straightly came into me telling me why shouldn't I write things I wrote on evaluation. Let me correct you, Mister future of our nation.

First of all, things I wrote during the evaluation weren't fake or made-up. I wrote it because ALL THE INCIDENTS DID REALLY HAPPENED. I'm not bitching or troubling you, I was just simply making an observation.

You told me that I could have told you in the lab that you didn't assist us. Remember last time when I asked you, you're the one who said:"no no, you're supposed to do your own work without discussing or asking me. A2 has already started and if you can't carry out your own experiment, shame on you." OKAY FINE. I did my work and I asked people around me but in the end you asked me to sit back down. I can't believe that you claimed that everyone in the class did not do their work during lab class. Maybe some of them really did not complete it but you shouldn't think that everyone didn't do it. There were like whole bunch of us did every single paper you gave us. IT'S JUST THAT YOU NEVER DISCUSSED WITH US. YOU JUST SIT THERE LIKE A PANDA DOING YOUR OWN WORK AND BLAMED US FOR NOT DOING OUR WORK. For goodness's sake, even if we didn't do our work, YOU ARE OUR LECTURER and YOU SHOULD ASK US TO COMPLETE IT. NOT JUST SITTING THERE DOING YOUR OWN STUFF. In fact, we were the one who finished everything by ourselves, discussing and helping each other because we know that if we depend on you, IT'S GONNA BE WORSE or even HOPELESS. I just can't understand that why can't you learn from lesson when you know you're a freaking IRRESPONSIBLE lecturer. Stop blaming me and my classmates for not doing our work. WE ALL DID WHAT WE SUPPOSED TO DO. You are the one who didn't discuss with us, not even UPLOADING the mark schemes. All you did is just sitting in front of us, DOING YOUR OWN STUFF during OUR CLASS. If only you could just get up and teach us, not just asking us to do it ourselves, or you reading it from the presentation slides. We won't be learning anything from you because of your attitude. We need to learn face to face. You're just getting mad because things I said were TRUE. You want us or your other students to come into your class, you want them to get excited for your class, you have to stand right there in front of us and LEAD US, GUIDE US. You want us to do better, you have to touch our freaking heart, you can't expect  us to change while what you did is just telling. If you think teaching is just to earn for a living, YES IT IS. But this is our future and we paid so much for this course, we do not deserve how you treated us.

About the scratches thingy (That's how you called it), I just recalled that I did really write it. What? Is there any problem saying about it? You're a lecturer in this college but when you got scratch on your pants, you got so pissed off and tried to break the marker pen holder. That just showed how immature you are. You are supposed to be a role model to everyone of us, but you intended to spoil something in front of everyone of us. I know it's pretty embarrassing to know that your pants got scratched, but seriously, breaking that thing in front of your students? Does that considered as VANDALISM? I guess it does. At the very least point, you had the intention to do that. Everyone saw that. Most of us were even shocked. Plus, after your pants got scratched, you became so emotional and angry. That just showed how unprofessional you are. Come on, we were freaked out by your attitude. 

Another thing to correct you, reasons why I didn't attend your class isn't about you at all. I had my own study session at study hub. I like it when i study alone and plus, other lecturers finished their syllabus. I am pretty sure I can't study in class because I will be talking to my friends. Just stop being paranoid and asking people around you that why I did not attend your class. Don't have to act like you care about me and wish me all the best. You're such a faker and I don't even need your wishes. I respected you and for once you're even my favourite lecturer. How I wish I knew your TRUE COLOURS from the start and I needn't to deal with it now. Having you as my MENTOR for 18 months are even WORSE. 

You came into my face and told me all these shits this morning right after my paper. If I wasn't in a rush I would actually stand there and tell you HOW IRRESPONSIBLE YOU WERE for the passed one year. After telling me all these bullshit you still asked me not to make this big. There is a limit in me, in EVERYONE. I got enough of you, man. You had been telling us to do this and that and we had been obeying all the time. But at the end you said we did not do our work. I will not make this big because I know how childish you are and you never learn from your mistake but blaming people. Good luck teaching more and more students with your shitty attitude and may God bless your students for having such an emotional & irresponsible lecturer. 

You're welcome and it is always my pleasure for telling you these.

Hard.

Life is getting hard, really very hard, you know? I wish my friends would still be by my side and listen to all my thoughts. But it's so hard since we are distant, mentally and physically. I miss them so much. God, can you please tell me, am I really the one who screw all the things up? I'm so stressful. Studies, friendship, relationship. Why? I've tried to tell myself everything will be okay but it's just so hard to go through them without my friends. I just didn't want to talk so much in front of my mom because I think I would worry her. I know she will be worrying if I tell her.

Jealousy kills. It does. I'm never that kind of girl who can deals with boyfriend hanging out with other girls. But why must this happened on me? God, you know this is my major weakness. I don't even think I can get through this. I am really scare Terence would be the same as Yan Shian, leaving me because of the existence of third party. Friends told me I should learn the lesson but my boyfriend asked me to get over the past. I did get over the past but somehow I just couldn't forget the pain, that extreme pain which caused by him. I don't even think I can bear with it for the next time. I tried to trust him and have faith in him but god knows feelings can grow between people after they have spent so much time together. Somehow this thought haunts me every night and I dreamt of the same thing over and over again. That pain is indescribable and it was suffocating. I would just woke up from my sleep and cried myself back to sleep and the same dream haunts me again. I got so insecure with my thoughts and I started to push people away and locked myself up in the room. God, I need your help, so much. I can't seek for anyone's help, because I shall not interrupt people's lives with my problems. God, can you please tell me the best solution for this and let me improve myself, let me realize what I've done and what I can do?

I miss him, very much. I miss him used to care about me, to tell me he loves me so much. I just don't like sharing. What's mine is only mine. I just couldn't bear the thought which he spent most of his time with other girl, going college together, going here and there together, having lunch together, going home together. As if they did everything together. I am so scared to be replaced, 'cause I've been replaced by people for so many times, in my 18 years life.

God, please listen to my prayer. Please tell me he worth everything I did, and my time and all my love. You are the one who let him come into my life and ease my pain, please let him be the one I can appreciate for a very long time. Amen.

11.03.2013

最近发生了很多不开心的事，令我觉得最重要的还是健康。除此之外，这也让我看见原来人真的可以那么假。在你最需要他的时候，他不只离开，还落井下石。最心痛的不是听你的谎言，而是你一次又一次地在我面前装得好像很关心我。可是一转身，就变成鬼。我怪我自己耳朵软，说两下我就原谅你，才让自己有机会被你伤害。你凭什么看衰人？我这个人没有什么好，最好的是我起码不会虚伪、欺骗。以前需要帮忙、陪伴时，什么都是我，现在理都不想理。人心叵测。又有谁会知道你会变成这个样子。

最后，请记得，别对号入座。

Throwback ----> 1st Feb

It was a great dating Friday ! Friday is always my favourite day of the week 'cause it's dating Friday ! Of course, I get to spend the whole day with my lovely boy. :) So right after my college we went to Subang Parade for lunch at Uncle Lim. They have the best nasi lemak omnomnomnom ! After lunch, we watched Bullets to the Head. It was okayyy. Stallone spells COOL. But the most epic part during the movie was the movie just went blackout after we watched for like 45 minutes. ._____. Still, it's a worth-to-watch movie, I would rate 7/10. :) 

So, right after movie, we went home, just to dye our hair with Liese and I bought Marshmallow Brown. Hehe I'm grateful to have such a nice boyfriend, he actually helped me to dye my hair, like whole of my head, without staining my ears or neck. He's just so lovelyyyyyy :) And yeah ! Thanks to him I have very pretty colour on my hair now ! 

Retards.

He actually suggested what pose we should do when we were camwhoring. HAHAHAHA :D

He's really very cute. :)

Tadahhhhh. I kinda like that colour 'cause it's really natural. :)

We dined at Burger Kaw Kaw ! It's at ss15, same row as Starbucks. It is new on my favourite-restaurant list. First of all, it is really cheap. Things we ordered costed about only rm27, and the portion is seriously big.  I would rate 8.5/10 for this restaurant.

This is the one I ate, Cheezinizer Single Chicken. 

Beef burger with bacon.

Mohito ! This is like the best drink ever, during hot days !

Sausages with cheese on top ! 4 for rm2, cheap righttttt ?

Do visit this restaurant 'cause the food there is really super jizzzzz. AND CHEAP. Affordable. The size of the burger can actually competes with the one in TGI Friday or Chili's. So, it's really worth to try ! :)

Definition of friends.

Was actually reading the definition of friends from Wikipedia from the past one hour. I was so curious how fate brings two or more people together who hold mutual affection for each other. 

Had a real chat with a friend this morning while I was supposed to have a break from my Thursday classes. We had coffee at Starbucks and talked pretty much about friends, and also people around us. So, she was telling me that she felt distant with her very best friend because some issues. I am not going talk much about her story 'cause ya know, it's her story. But from what she told me, that reminded me of a lot of things that happened in my life. I have friends, but some of them just somehow, gone. There were issues, just some simple issues but somehow we do not know, we could not solve it either. Nobody knows why.

For the past one year, someone taught me relationship won't work if only one person is giving but not two. Same goes to friendship. If one was just kept giving, and the other doesn't even bother to give, but just taking, that just shows this friendship wouldn't last long. 

Through all these days, I've seen changes too. Me and my friends just didn't seem to get too close. And somehow some of them might just talked to me sarcastically or even criticizing. We used to hang out, talked about all sorts of nonsense, we helped each other and other lots more stuff we did. But ever since college reopened, everything has changed. The one that was the closest to me became different. I don't know why. I don't even know what have I done. I thought treating them well was the key to make things work but sadly, no. Everything is still the same. Sometimes, I do doubt that am I really happy when I'm spending time with them or not. 'cause whenever I thought of the times where they just talked happily and left me aside, it hurts my heart so much. There was once, one of them just threw me with foul words when I was just concerning about her. *sigh* 

After for like one month, I just could not stand all these, and that's why I chose to pour it out here, to release my sadness and also disappointment. I don't even know why would I think so negatively recently. I was so careful about what I said when I was with them, it just felt so wrong and unhappy.  

I tried, I did. When one of them were sick, I tried my best to do whatever I can. When one of them were alone, I stayed by her side. But what do I get at the end ? This is just so frustrating and I couldn't just tell someone like this. I just feel hurt, that they do not even treat me as a friend at all. 

I know I am stupid, sometimes things I said were really lame and retarded. But I swear I never doubted my loyalty towards my friends. But I just could not believe that this would happened to me, again. 

What have I done ? 

Why can't you guys just tell me honestly and sort this out ? 

*sigh*

People change, feelings change. It's simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart too. No matter how much you have done for them, they just somehow don't remember. But when you did a small mistake, they are just going to remember that forever.

" Friendships may end by fading quietly away or may end suddenly. How and whether to talk about the end of a friendship is a matter of etiquette that depends on the circumstances. "

I just can't lose them like this, because they were the one who went through the saddest part in my life with me. They were the one who hugged me when I need love, they were the one who was my barrier when I got bullied, they stood up for me. I cannot lose them.

After all the things happened in my life, I only know that : In the end, we will remember, not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

AS results

So.. It's 22nd ! I had been waiting for this day so long and never wanted it to come at the same time. Fact is, my A levels AS results is out, TODAYYYY. Well, I wasn't really that nervous the days before but only until this morning. I drank like almost 4 cups of coffee in McDonald and I didn't even have the appetite to eat anything. Guess what ? My class supposed to start at 10am but I reached college at 7am and sat at Mcd for three freaking hours, I just felt so restless. =_________= My whole body was filled with eagerness to know the result OMG. That kind of feeling was actually worse than before performing on the stage.

THANK GOD that I still have my friends with me to face this.

K la straight to the point, result I got wasn't really as good as I expected, wasn't really that bad as well. Just, okay la. Buuuuuut, I do still have A2. I'm pretty sure I'm really gonna work very hard on A2. *fingers crossed*

Diet plan failed. ❎

It's dating Friday ! I'm always looking forward to every single Friday 'cause that's the only day that I set myself free from books and studies, and just to spend a simple day with Terence. <3
Actually, we did nothing much also. We watched two movies at his place. First was The Onions and the second movie was House of The End of The Street. The Onions was retarded, it's freaking retarded comedy and we did laugh our balls off. :D Then the second movie was horror and thriller. It was a good day after watching two movies in a row ! :D
We dined at Pizza Uno in USJ Taipan. It is one of me and Terence's favourite restaurants. And we had mushroom cream soup, garlic bread, baked pasta and carbonara linguini. You might think baked pasta can never fill your stomach due to the portion but it was super jelak OMG. I took such a long time to finish the whole thing. But what I think is they have the best carbonara in KL ! It was super duper jizzzzzzz !